Some bigots wear lipstick.

I moderated a conference a little while back, chairing some fairly complex discussions about my client's future strategy and how it affected the 130 or so staff. The CEO is an honest, straight talking sort of guy and laid things out for everyone exactly as their situation IS. over lunch we got into a conversation about my book. He and a senior female colleague were fascinated. He gave me permission to mention it to the audience before we finished. I did.

I put some books out at the back of the room - and men and women swooped on them. They were gone within minutes. The people I spoke to were fascinated.

But with one noticeable exception.

One woman absolutely refused to accept anything I said about what the book was about. She ‘stated’that the book was not ‘helpful’. I am quite forensic when it comes to the use of language. She gave me her opinion quite a lot although she invariably expressed them as if they were ‘facts’.

She went on to say – "Now that I know you’ve written a book like this, it explains why you made ‘4-5 anti-women remarks."’ – implying I must be a misogynist without actually saying so! She went on to say that the women present were cringing at these remarks.

I politely asked her to tell me precisely what I had said.

She couldn’t recall ANY specifics! I’ve learned that in these situations protagonists don’t expect to be challenged. She didn’t like it. But I was very polite at all times. (of course!)

It so happened a female member of the board of directors came up and also showed interest in the book – she took a copy. In front of the woman who complained I asked her what were the ‘4-5 anti-women remarks’ I’d made.

The director couldn’t think of any! Which isn't surprising because I hadn’t!

Then another board director came by and exclaimed when he saw the book – “How Relevant is THIS to me!”. The argumentative woman asked him ‘how’? Then he said something like ‘my wife is having a HUGE problem with a woman like this right now!’ Not quite what the complainer wanted to hear!

Needing to regain the upper hand in the conversation she then dismissively referred to my co-author on the cover of the book and said “So how much did this woman actually write?” (Implying that she was merely a figurehead contributor.)

I said I was the ‘hack’ who did most of the actual writing while Mary is the world expert on the issues relating to male victims of domestic violence and had set up and run a charity for such men in Ireland for 12 years. And how her input to book was considerable.

I had a response for everything she said. But she wasn’t interested. She was only interested in how there are dangerous men in the world too. I said “I agree” that’s why we wrote this book because no one ever talks about this side of the story.

(Funnily enough, dangerous women are also brilliant at changing the subject to deflect attention away from whatever they don’t want to hear - that's what she certainly did.)

But what I found so shocking was -

She was their newly appointed diversity manager!

I predict she will cause a great deal of trouble in that organisation.

Ho hum...